You are so fat that the cops took you in for for carrying 50 kilos of crack. You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale. You are so fat that your butt has it's own zip code. You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean. You are so fat that you don't need the internet, you are already worldwide. You are so fat that when you step on the scales it says 'to be continued'. You're so fat that when you fell over noone was laughing but the ground sure was cracking up. You're so fat that when you lay down on some memory foam and it immediately forgot everything. You're so fat that your favourite necklace is the food chain. You're so fat that when you get dressed you have to use a boomerang to put your belt You're so fat that when you want to iron your pants, you have to go out to your driveway. You're so fat, the photo I took of you last christmas is still printing. You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat people shout out 'taxi'
You're so fat that an oragami crane has less folds than you. You're so fat that when you got on the scales they said 'I need your weight not your phone number'
